Leaving

This is going to be a difficult post to get through both as I write it and as you try and follow along with my thoughts/emotions..(sorry ahead)  Not only because this topic is so real to me right now but also because I'm already emotional and this is only the second line.

In about two weeks my life is going to change a lot! I am going to be leaving. Not only will my address be different and my physical immediate surroundings but I am going to be so far from everything and everyone that I have become so used to.  I will be so far from people that have shaped me and molded me over my lifetime and who continually love me and who are actively in my life. It's weird and crazy because I can't imagine my life or even me without them and now I am going to have to go without them well distance wise for so much longer then I have been used to.

Some days I am totally ready to leave and to go far away and to start my new adventure but then there are other days that I am just not ready at all. There is so many things that I am so not prepared to say goodbye to or even "see you later" to.

It is becoming way to real that I am growing up and life is changing in big ways. This post is so hard because it is real and it is my life now so I need to just start accepting it and moving forward with it. I really just need to stop stressing and stop being scared.

It is so hard doing that sometimes especially because there are going to be so many relationships that are going to be strained and maybe even ended and right now that is the last thing I want to think about. I need people in my life and I am so scared that so soon I could have no one. And not even that no one will be there but the people I love most and who have been with me for the majority of my life won't be so available to me as before.

There are so many benefits and exciting things that are easily overlooked when I get sad or upset about leaving but I just keep reminding myself that it is going to be ok. Scary, different and maybe even super great sometimes but it is going to be ok. The people that I'm scared of losing will make an effort and if they don't I will and in the end it will be great. I have to remind myself of these things because there are way to many distractions in this life that get in the way and then they bring you down and the cycle continues.

I made it through the post now just to get through the actual leaving part...

As always, Through My Filter.