Can't I Just Be Me?

Why do I  have to feel pressured to be like everyone else?
Why do MY plans for MY life seem to affect you so much?
Why does my lack of rushing into things make you so upset?

Can't I just be me? 
Can't I feel free enough to be myself?
Can't I do what I want with my life? And when I want?

Right now I am so stressed out and I feel completely defeated. All my life I have sort of lived in everyone's shadow just because I didn't really mind it. I have never like being the one who was focused on. So now that I have to start making decisions for myself and for my future I am still taking what everyone else has to say about it so seriously. But why?

You aren't paying for my college if I decide to go.

You aren't going to have to live my life everyday.

You aren't the one who is going to dictate my plans.

You are you and I am me.

Please let me decide. 

Please just think about what I want. 

Please just give me some time.

I am getting so tired of defending my future. I don't understand why it has to be this hard to figure out what I am supposed to do. I don't want to rush into a decision. I want to think an pray about it. I try my best everyday and since when is that not enough? I am living my life for Jesus and let me tell you it's hard a lot of the time. But I am growing and learning more about what I am meant to do with my life just like everyone else.

This post is full of a ton of emotion and honestly I just needed to talk though what I'm thinking.

As always, Through My Filter.